Saturday, July 23, 2005
  !!!Sexual Patents Here!!!
Have you invented a unique method of lovemaking? If so, you could generate millions of $$$ by obtaining a Sexual Patent.

For the low low price of $10, I will issue a certificated Sexual Patent for each of you original shagtastical ideas. With this approved patent, you will have 20 years rights to the postion and have the legally enforceable right to charge other couples royalties for the use of your patented lovemaking technique.

Here are the 5 easy steps to obtaining your Sexual Patent:

1. Send me $10 to cover administration and registration charges. (this sum is non refundable in the event that a patent is not issued)
2. Send me a written description of you lovemaking technique accompanied by diagrams, photos and video
3. I will perform a search of the advanced Sexual Patent database to ensure originality
4. If original, I will issue you with a bona fide Sexual Patent, by email (signed paper copy available for $50)
5. I will publish your Sexual Patent on this website so that YOU can start to earn royalties immediately

This is not a pyramid scheme or get rich quick trick, but a genuine way for your sexual experimentation to earn you millions of $$$ faster than you could probably imagine.

Send your lovemaking invention to Sexual Patents today, not forgetting about that $10 you owe me.

Important Note: please be specific in your patent applications, but not too specific. For example, if you say, "My wife is on top of me wearing a beard of bees." Then a patent would be granted, but only concerning your wife. You could earn royalties, but only from those making love to your wife wearing the bees, which may not be your intention. Being too specific could enable others to claim the general patent, e.g. beekeepers. 

  Damn Those White Haired Freaks
I know every albino isn't a fundamentalist, but sometimes it's hard to distinguish the law abiding pigmentless person from the albino extremist. Over 53% of their kind consider themselves albino before British. How can that be? After the first influx of albinos from Antarctica in the 1950's, it was Enoch Powell who foresaw the streets flowing with the moulted white eyelashes of heartless albinos. He was pooh poohed and expelled from his primary school for such forthright views. But a generation later, we can see that he was right. The cynical milky bar kid campaign notwithstanding, I dont see how we can put up with their antics anymore, with their kit kats and their thick eyeglasses and so on and soforth. Perhaps they should go back to Antarctica in the triangular solar powered kayaks they came in on. 

Tales from Amsterdam, distorted by powerful magnets and deep fried until crispy.

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